KITTEN CHAT 28: The Story Can Change 💖

April 20, 2024

I am back with another bloggg.

Yes yes hold the applause.

Something has been coming up for me lately that I wanted to share and give my thoughts and how I been working with these feelings lately.

Lately I have had this huge insurgence of like.. anxiety coming up. Anxiety about business and personal issues but most recently that kinda suprised me was in romance.

It's not that it isn't something I really been paying mind to. I mean it's definitely like in my realm of thoughts but because I was thinking of other stuff and sifting through that - I was surprised that I started to recognize this really big anxiety I had surrounding romance.

And when I say I was freaking the fuck out y'all- anxiety, tears, at first trying to push away the emotions because I have this habit at times still of trying to convince myself to not think about something or to be like " Let's not focus on that now."

But- as someone who does practice paying attention to my emotions and know it is not healthy to suppress them- I pushed through and started to feel what I needed to feel - fear of having something good and long lasting.

I may have mentioned it before, but I am no stranger to unhealthy relationships - I been through any major topic we can possibly ever cover- and I was using that as an indicator of my future. I was saying to myself well I always been in unsafe unhealthy relationships. Anything good is not going to last. I haven't made the best choices in partners- so why would I do that now?

"A good relationship just doesn't happen for me. It'll be good then go bad. I will be heartbroken again."

These are all old stories. These are all traumatic experiences that even though it was very real, and it is valid to believe this, it's normal to believe that you can't possibly have a healthy long-lasting relationship if all you experienced was pain- it doesn't mean that is the end all be all. It does not mean because I have made mistakes that I will always be punished for them forever and ever. I was using my mistakes as justification that I can't get what I want, and that is untrue.

Like my coach says " There isn't a whiteboard in the sky that God has that says Brianna cannot get this or that" it's simple untrue and if you are in my community- I am pretty sure you believe in a higher power/ presence- it would not make sense to want something but not be able to have it. It would not make sense to have a desire but be punished for your mistakes that you made when you honestly did not know better.

It's when you believe that you don't deserve better, that something is wrong with you, that something you want will just be a fantasy -is YOU blocking that coming into your life.

I think we self-sabotage at times because experiencing pain over and over - you're just over it. You want to give up, or push it aside as something unimportant or unattainable. It is easier to tell yourself it won't happen when that's been the confirmation bias all those years. We push away good things because it seems too good to be true when all you experienced was pain.

But the story can change.

I say all this to say that I realized I have made mistakes but to use it to punish myself isn't the most loving way to deal with it. Using my mistakes as justification to punish myself and block something good coming into my life isn't the most loving thing to do to myself. I been super into reading my birth and other charts and I can say a lot of good things are in store for me.

I say all this to say my advice when working through these feelings is to:

1. Feel it. I mean FEEL it all. The anger, shame, frustration, bitterness. Sometimes it'll fluctuate and you may cry one second, feel fine, and then you're crying for another 10 minutes lol. It is totally normal.

2. Tears are a way your body releases those feelings that have been sitting in your system for God knows how long. You could be someone like me whom before getting into this work years ago, I would never cry. I would bottle it up until I had meltdowns and would isolate for days. Don't stop the tears or tell yourself get over it , let them go and have some tissue near by.

3. Ask yourself why do you feel this way? Who made you feel this way?

4. Is it ultimately true you need to have this experience in life?

5. I guarantee it's a no. NO it's not true you have to live a life of pain and suffering.

6. Start telling yourself the new story. Saturate your mind. Do journaling, meditation, mantras, whatever feels best for YOU to work through these feelings and know despite all this you deserve all good that life has to offer. Your emotions are communicators- listen to them. Music is a way I heal myself and feel good.

And if you need help with these steps, I offer 1-1 sessions. I also released a course called " KITTEN SZN: RELEASE SHAME" where we use some tools and discussion to move from shame, guilt, etc. into a life of pleasure and joy.

I am so happy you were here to read my thoughts- leave a comment below if this helped you in any way. Until next time.

~ Brianna